A lesson learned

Dearest,

I want you to know I have heard every word, every inflection, every sigh, every tune you have ever meant for me to hear. The music continues. This letter is my music, my encouragement, my gift to help you honor who you are today and every day. My hope is that you embrace my experience so you can have the courage to step up with love and kindness to live your best life, to follow your heart wherever it may lead.

I have been grappling with myself, my own fears and shadows, my own truth. This life time-split second, journey has created in me a depth that I didn’t know existed. It was terrifying, yet exhilarating. During this time I have been forced to step off the path of least resistance. Shedding the mask and letting in the sunlight. There has been a cost for sure. People closest to me don’t always understand, yet they love me anyway, they support me anyway, and shore me up when I am unsure. I face my choices with a sense of trepidation knowing that one road has ended and another begins.

Growing is painful, leaving behind old beliefs and old ways of doing things is difficult, forcing yourself to jump in because you can’t stand on the edge and watch anymore. I’ve been grappling, struggling, working, spinning, spiraling… exhausted. Paddling up river because I believed I was supposed to go up river, everyone else is going up river, who wants to be left out, who wants to be different, who wants to stand apart from the crowd…I do!

So I let go of the oars and began flowing down stream, where the work is minimal yet the outcome amazing. Deciding to enjoy the slow moving spaces. Finding the beauty and adventure in each moment. Appreciating the place I’m in and not in such a hurry to get to a destination, the beauty is in the journey. It makes me happy to picture walking hand in hand with the one I love, just walking, no particular place to go, no time limit, no parting of ways, just being in the moment. They were fleeting and I mourned them when they were gone but those moments have helped me understand, helped me celebrate, helped me light my own way.

I am present, I am paying attention, I am creating a new life, a new way, a new dream. I bask in the sunlight, I dream in the moonlight, I take a deep breath under the stars each night, holding it all in my soul for a second longer, mentally writing love letters in the sky. Reminding myself not to rush, tomorrow will get here when it gets here. Tomorrow will bring sunshine or rain, joy or sorrow, laughter or tears, it doesn’t matter. 

The lesson learned is on going, living in my truth is always evolving, as I grow and change so my truth gets more and more visible to me and those around me. The change is never ending, the love is never ending, ever evolving like me, ever growing and getting deeper. The light shines brighter as the veils are pulled away and what once was opaque is crystal clear and beautiful. 

Trust in the call I know you hear. The truth is, it’s hard, it hurts but in the end there will be no regrets, it opened up my eyes, it opened up my heart, it allowed me to have the courage to stand up, break the chains and begin to live my best life. What I was afraid to outgrow, outgrew me, love made me choose, made me believe. Now I choose to believe.

As the words are pouring out of me for this letter, it occurs to me I might be writing to myself. Saying out loud what I have been keeping inside for so long. I guess the lesson today is this, I dreamed of a world where I lived everyday in the presence of true love, in the presence of love, in the presence of truth. I dreamed it and it was so.

Forever